So, Sergei sure loves the word "dungarees." I think it's funny, because my mom has a habit of calling jeans dungarees, and I have sorta picked up on it, and every now and again, I will say "dungarees" and actually mean it. I bring this up only because Sergei was ribbing me for not having updated since AUGUST FOURTH! Where have I been? I don't know. What have I been doing? None of your beeswax. Actually, I've been avoiding sitting at the computer for long periods of time during the heatwaves (this room and the bathroom lack air conditioning), and mostly watching "Friends" on DVD in the coolness of the downstairs a/c. I have now finished all four available seasons of "Friends" on DVD. I don't care what anyone says; it is an amazing show. Simply amazing.
On the subject of Sergei, all his talk about sleeping echoes true in my world as well. I am great at staying awake and a viking at sleeping, but I am terrible at actually falling asleep or waking up. Even when I worked "normal" hours, I would stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning, and get up for work at 7am. But I could do that because the sun existed in that world. It was dark when I went to sleep and light when i woke up (mostly). Now it is light out when I go to work and light out when I come home from work. In the winter, I don't see sunlight at all. In the summer, I barely see the night. And no matter when you go to sleep, waking up at 5pm just feels wrong.
But, back to fun...Saw Come Down put on an amazing show at the Knitting Factory on Thursday night. They played their set before headliners Elefant, who were quite good, as well, although, I missed some of their set while wandering with Lisa to find food. That ended up being a fruitless search, by the by. I was so freakin' hungry. The one thing missing from the area surrounding the Knitting Factory is a late night eatery. One of you should open one up and tell me about it. I had such a great time, nonetheless. I drove in with my new friend Lisa, and got to introduce her to way too many people at once. But she handled it with grace and aplomb...and some wine.
All in all, a great time was had by many. Thanks again to Come Down for bringing the rock, and to my friends for rocking, too. Booyaka!
Saturday, August 23, 2003
Monday, August 04, 2003
The Day I Splurged For a Lobster Dinner For Four
Right about now, those of you who haven't hung out with me in a while should be kicking yourselves...or crying to yourselves how none of your friends ever bought you a lobster dinner at a nice restaurant on the water in Port Jefferson, while some guy serenaded the patrons perched behind a keyboard playing sad, sad songs (because they say so much). Yep, that's right, I took my brother, and two lucky friends who shall remain anonymous (for their own safety) to Port Jeff for a lobster dinner Saturday night, on a whim. A kickoff to the new reality series "A Date With the Rorens." Maybe next time we should bring a camera crew, as a lot of fun was had, as well as good eatin'. We took several pictures of us playing with the lobster parts, riding a 25¢ mechanical horse, all of us packed in a phone booth, as well as Matt shedding a tear during a particularly sad song. Then there was the picture of me getting the bill...fun times indeed. There are some pictures of it on our Friendster profiles.
n.p. With Every Idle Hour - The Distance Between (BUY THIS!!!!)
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n.p. With Every Idle Hour - The Distance Between (BUY THIS!!!!)
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Like Morton salt, I am iodized and in a blue cylinder
Like Morton salt, I am iodized and in a blue cylinder. <--- Title that doesn't show up on here when you view it.
I realize that I haven't blogged much on this here site as of late, probably causing countless tens of you to stop logging in, since I have appeared to abandoned this shrine to my own ego. Fear not, brave internet readers, I am alive and well. I've just been pre-occupied. So much for updating every now and again just any old thing. I really do need to learn to just post SOMETHING, no matter what it is. It's just that when things happen in my personal life, I tend to not write about it here, but in other forums, because I do like to keep secrets from some of you. Not that you won't find it all somehow anyway.
a smart person (John Lennon, Matt has informed me --- ed.) once said "Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans." After the past week or so, I have no choice but to agree. I thought I had it all figured out when life threw me another curve. Pretty much right on cue, almost exactly a year later, a certain moth got real close to my flame, only to fly away at the last moment, out of the reach of my net...again. If I wanted to, I could set my watch to it. I guess some people just get off on the thrill of the chase, and get disinterested in really getting close to someone else. Maybe it's fear. Like how on the show "Ed," Carol was so afraid that because she could not possibly be the ideal Carol that Ed had imagined for two years of trying to be with her, that she would let him down and it would destroy her chance for happiness. So she just repeatedly turned him down. Then the minute he was happy with someone else, she fought tooth and nail to get him "back."
I really thought that the kiss might have changed things, but, as usual, it proved to just reinforce certain simple truths that cannot be changed. Maybe someday she will stop running. But not today. No matter. I see now, after the events of the past week, that the kiss was more symbolic of me crossing a bridge, literally and figuratively, and conquering some of my fears and my timidness. It's as if night turned into day and I now smell of confidence when once I smelled of the fear. Apparently, it really is tangible.
What happened, you ask, that has changed my tone and tune? Well, to be perfectly honest, but without revealing too much, I went to a going away party for my friend Darren and I did not go home alone. I've even seen her again since Sunday, and she even calls me. It was completely unexpected, but thus far a pleasant surprise. The air must have been rife with the smell of J-Ro's newfound self-confidence, because instant flirting with a member of the fairer sex usually involves music geekdom and goes nowhere, because most music geeks know nothing of romance. And god, I know, I'm one.
I can prove to you that I am a music geek, because I had a disappointing disagreement with Bryce tonight over Come Down. First off, Let me say that I think they are fucking amazing, and perhaps my favorite band from LI, ever. Possibly because I am quite familiar with their influences, and can appreciate what they take from their influences, and how they shape them into something original. Bryce, whom I happen to like a lot as a person, proved to me tonight that his musical knowledge, albeit the music knowledge of an 18 year old, is not up to the par I expected from him.
After witnessing the same set I did of Come Down, his only statement was that he felt that they took the long experimental parts of OK Computer and just mined that territory. I guess since they aren't influenced solely by The Smiths, Joy Division, Jawbreaker and Red House Painters, they somehow fall below his radar. Nevermind that two of the band members are assistant editors and writers for a top notch music magazine, and that all of the band members have impeccable taste in music, and a smattering of influences well beyond the scope of a reformed DIY punk kid just back from a year of college. I don't even necessarily think you have to be familiar with a majority of their influences to realize how amazing a band Come Down is. But your mind should at least be open to something different.
The thing I felt worst about tonight was that I was on my lunch break, so I really couldn't stick around and chat with anyone. I just hope that nobody thought I was being rude when I cut them short or disappeared rather abruptly. I really did sneak out the back door to leave. And I was really late getting back to work, much to the chagrin and disappointment of my supervisor.
But the main reason I wrote this was to just let you all know that everything is coming up J-Ro for the time being. It's just that what I have isn't what I thought I had, and maybe what I thought I had isn't really what I needed.
Thanks to With Every Idle Hour for a kickass set of mostly new tunes from a very kickass new record. I listened to it a few times tonight when I got back to work, and it even impressed several of my colleagues. I was glad I got to drop in on the excitement and witness the rock fury. \m/
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I realize that I haven't blogged much on this here site as of late, probably causing countless tens of you to stop logging in, since I have appeared to abandoned this shrine to my own ego. Fear not, brave internet readers, I am alive and well. I've just been pre-occupied. So much for updating every now and again just any old thing. I really do need to learn to just post SOMETHING, no matter what it is. It's just that when things happen in my personal life, I tend to not write about it here, but in other forums, because I do like to keep secrets from some of you. Not that you won't find it all somehow anyway.
a smart person (John Lennon, Matt has informed me --- ed.) once said "Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans." After the past week or so, I have no choice but to agree. I thought I had it all figured out when life threw me another curve. Pretty much right on cue, almost exactly a year later, a certain moth got real close to my flame, only to fly away at the last moment, out of the reach of my net...again. If I wanted to, I could set my watch to it. I guess some people just get off on the thrill of the chase, and get disinterested in really getting close to someone else. Maybe it's fear. Like how on the show "Ed," Carol was so afraid that because she could not possibly be the ideal Carol that Ed had imagined for two years of trying to be with her, that she would let him down and it would destroy her chance for happiness. So she just repeatedly turned him down. Then the minute he was happy with someone else, she fought tooth and nail to get him "back."
I really thought that the kiss might have changed things, but, as usual, it proved to just reinforce certain simple truths that cannot be changed. Maybe someday she will stop running. But not today. No matter. I see now, after the events of the past week, that the kiss was more symbolic of me crossing a bridge, literally and figuratively, and conquering some of my fears and my timidness. It's as if night turned into day and I now smell of confidence when once I smelled of the fear. Apparently, it really is tangible.
What happened, you ask, that has changed my tone and tune? Well, to be perfectly honest, but without revealing too much, I went to a going away party for my friend Darren and I did not go home alone. I've even seen her again since Sunday, and she even calls me. It was completely unexpected, but thus far a pleasant surprise. The air must have been rife with the smell of J-Ro's newfound self-confidence, because instant flirting with a member of the fairer sex usually involves music geekdom and goes nowhere, because most music geeks know nothing of romance. And god, I know, I'm one.
I can prove to you that I am a music geek, because I had a disappointing disagreement with Bryce tonight over Come Down. First off, Let me say that I think they are fucking amazing, and perhaps my favorite band from LI, ever. Possibly because I am quite familiar with their influences, and can appreciate what they take from their influences, and how they shape them into something original. Bryce, whom I happen to like a lot as a person, proved to me tonight that his musical knowledge, albeit the music knowledge of an 18 year old, is not up to the par I expected from him.
After witnessing the same set I did of Come Down, his only statement was that he felt that they took the long experimental parts of OK Computer and just mined that territory. I guess since they aren't influenced solely by The Smiths, Joy Division, Jawbreaker and Red House Painters, they somehow fall below his radar. Nevermind that two of the band members are assistant editors and writers for a top notch music magazine, and that all of the band members have impeccable taste in music, and a smattering of influences well beyond the scope of a reformed DIY punk kid just back from a year of college. I don't even necessarily think you have to be familiar with a majority of their influences to realize how amazing a band Come Down is. But your mind should at least be open to something different.
The thing I felt worst about tonight was that I was on my lunch break, so I really couldn't stick around and chat with anyone. I just hope that nobody thought I was being rude when I cut them short or disappeared rather abruptly. I really did sneak out the back door to leave. And I was really late getting back to work, much to the chagrin and disappointment of my supervisor.
But the main reason I wrote this was to just let you all know that everything is coming up J-Ro for the time being. It's just that what I have isn't what I thought I had, and maybe what I thought I had isn't really what I needed.
Thanks to With Every Idle Hour for a kickass set of mostly new tunes from a very kickass new record. I listened to it a few times tonight when I got back to work, and it even impressed several of my colleagues. I was glad I got to drop in on the excitement and witness the rock fury. \m/
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Thursday, July 17, 2003
El Camino up and down my block
I blame Sergei for this, as I've now noticed that there is an El Camino that travels in the opposite direction of me every morning when I come home from work. It seems like there was a time between 1983 and 2001 where I hadn't seen a single El Camino (except the street El Camino Real in California), and now I've seen many. WTF?
Now that that is out of the way, some of you may be wondering where I've been or what I've been doing. Others may not, but are still reading this. Other others may yet be wondering why they are reading this at all, or who I am, or what the point of anything is, really? Well, I'm gonna tell ya... Also, I'm gonna steal some of Sergei's thunder as the great blogging movie reviewer mofo, as I've actually been to the theater twice in the last two weeks.
Let me start by saying that "Pirates of the Caribbean" was one kick-ass movie. I mean, I only went because Larissa was so excited, and we all wanted to see her before she left for Spain. Well, we wanted to see her reactions to the movie, anyway. She made a lot of noise, to be sure. But I could barely hear her over my own roars of laughter and squeals of delight. Johnny Depp plays the stark-raving mad Captain Jack Sparrow as if he were some sort of Hunter S. Thompson of the seven seas. A truly inspired performance, bolstered by almost as brilliant turns by Orlando Bloom and Geoffrey Rush. Keira Knightley gives the film a damsel-in-distress who can also kick butt while looking hot in a corset and frilly dresses. I usually don't dig action movies, but this film has some of the best sword-fighting since "Rosencrantz and Gildenstern Is Dead" or "The Princess Bride."
Nextly, a gaggle of us saw "28 Days Later," the Danny Boyle-directed sequel to Sandra Bullock's rehab vehicle. If you don't get the joke, it takes about a minute to sink in. If you've seen previous Boyle films, you know that this is gonna be twisted and sick. It's also a little long, but very compelling nonetheless. What I thought was most impressive was not the story itself, but the textures the DV-shot movie used to convey the story. Parts are grainy and brittle, some are smooth. The camerawork is brilliant and the editing is amazing. The soundtrack, too, is gripping. The fact that there is a film playing in multiplexes with Godspeed You Black Emperor! songs in it is something I find inspiring. And Matt didn't even complain about it. Also, the usual Boyle dark humor pops up in the most welcome and sick places.
Other recent outings have found me helping Beth move and then taking in a fine show by The New Pornographers, who have apparently added another show for August 22nd at the Bowery (I believe). They were simply on fire that night, but then again, when ISN'T Neko Case sizzling? I mean that in a talent kinda way. No, really. After the show, we walked across the Williamsburg Bridge back the the apartment in Brooklyn she was moving out of. One of the best walks in my life. I now want to walk across every bridge between Manhattan and Brooklyn. I hear the Brooklyn Bridge is absolutely beautiful. One could argue that by crossing the bridge, it is true that I don't know when other people are kidding. But I disagree. Remember this, my friends, when something is said half-jokingly, half of it is true.
I started working on permanent status Monday night. Last night was my first night on my new crew. It's different, but I'm the senior Library dude, so I get to give the orders. Let's hope that I don't go mad from a moderate amount of power. Mwa ha ha. I work Thursday night, but hopefully I will make it to Saints N Sinnners for a bit. Friday night is Mitchfest 2k3se, featuring The Repercussions UK and The Potbelly Bandits. Saturday is The Siren Festival (3rd Annual), featuring Idlewild, Modest Mouse, Hot Hot Heat, Sahara Hotnights and more rock than you can shake a stick at. I think I still have two spaces left in my car.
I don't think I have anything else to say right now. buh bye.
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Now that that is out of the way, some of you may be wondering where I've been or what I've been doing. Others may not, but are still reading this. Other others may yet be wondering why they are reading this at all, or who I am, or what the point of anything is, really? Well, I'm gonna tell ya... Also, I'm gonna steal some of Sergei's thunder as the great blogging movie reviewer mofo, as I've actually been to the theater twice in the last two weeks.
Let me start by saying that "Pirates of the Caribbean" was one kick-ass movie. I mean, I only went because Larissa was so excited, and we all wanted to see her before she left for Spain. Well, we wanted to see her reactions to the movie, anyway. She made a lot of noise, to be sure. But I could barely hear her over my own roars of laughter and squeals of delight. Johnny Depp plays the stark-raving mad Captain Jack Sparrow as if he were some sort of Hunter S. Thompson of the seven seas. A truly inspired performance, bolstered by almost as brilliant turns by Orlando Bloom and Geoffrey Rush. Keira Knightley gives the film a damsel-in-distress who can also kick butt while looking hot in a corset and frilly dresses. I usually don't dig action movies, but this film has some of the best sword-fighting since "Rosencrantz and Gildenstern Is Dead" or "The Princess Bride."
Nextly, a gaggle of us saw "28 Days Later," the Danny Boyle-directed sequel to Sandra Bullock's rehab vehicle. If you don't get the joke, it takes about a minute to sink in. If you've seen previous Boyle films, you know that this is gonna be twisted and sick. It's also a little long, but very compelling nonetheless. What I thought was most impressive was not the story itself, but the textures the DV-shot movie used to convey the story. Parts are grainy and brittle, some are smooth. The camerawork is brilliant and the editing is amazing. The soundtrack, too, is gripping. The fact that there is a film playing in multiplexes with Godspeed You Black Emperor! songs in it is something I find inspiring. And Matt didn't even complain about it. Also, the usual Boyle dark humor pops up in the most welcome and sick places.
Other recent outings have found me helping Beth move and then taking in a fine show by The New Pornographers, who have apparently added another show for August 22nd at the Bowery (I believe). They were simply on fire that night, but then again, when ISN'T Neko Case sizzling? I mean that in a talent kinda way. No, really. After the show, we walked across the Williamsburg Bridge back the the apartment in Brooklyn she was moving out of. One of the best walks in my life. I now want to walk across every bridge between Manhattan and Brooklyn. I hear the Brooklyn Bridge is absolutely beautiful. One could argue that by crossing the bridge, it is true that I don't know when other people are kidding. But I disagree. Remember this, my friends, when something is said half-jokingly, half of it is true.
I started working on permanent status Monday night. Last night was my first night on my new crew. It's different, but I'm the senior Library dude, so I get to give the orders. Let's hope that I don't go mad from a moderate amount of power. Mwa ha ha. I work Thursday night, but hopefully I will make it to Saints N Sinnners for a bit. Friday night is Mitchfest 2k3se, featuring The Repercussions UK and The Potbelly Bandits. Saturday is The Siren Festival (3rd Annual), featuring Idlewild, Modest Mouse, Hot Hot Heat, Sahara Hotnights and more rock than you can shake a stick at. I think I still have two spaces left in my car.
I don't think I have anything else to say right now. buh bye.
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Monday, July 07, 2003
There's A Big Day Coming About A Mile Away...
It's weird how when I worked at Tower, I got so stressed out that I actually smoked so I could take more (read: ANY) breaks. Now that I work 12 hour shifts at MTVN, I find myself drinking more alcohol. Last night on my lunch break (with my supervisor, no less) at Chili's for two hours plus, I tried to keep up with Sean and Mike, but only had four beers to their six each. I'm kind of a lightweight still. But I only weigh 160 pounds and am not an alcoholic. Kipes - drinking contest: me, you and a dog named Boo. Anyhow, that was the fourth night in a row I had been drinking. In fact, Saturday night, I actually drank enough at Andre & Danielle's party to warrant calling in late to work. Props to Dre for letting me borrow his Sleater-Kinney shirt after I got sangria or whatever all over my pure-white Beta Band shirt.
I'm still not sure when I start my new shift at work. I heard the 24th, but Sean told me he sent an email to the department head about it, so he wouldn't tell me when. All I know is that on the 31st, I am going to be at Saints 'n' Sinnners (sic) from 9pm until 1am or thereabouts, to support my homewaffles. Dean (my soon-to-be-supervisor) will just have to deal.
I just realized I am posting this to my own blog. I was going to post this on Kipes' blog originally. Oh well. I am an idiot. This fact is confirmed by my not having put the air conditioner in my room yet because I thought I would move next door before it got hot. So I have slept in my parents' room, my brother's room and the livingroom the past few mornings, with another round of the livingroom couch to follow shortly, methinks. Also, I will probably have to wait a couple weeks to get my house finished, because Larissa, my home decorating center of the universe, with her loving and tender painterly strokes against my walls, will be in Barcelona for ten days starting Wednesday. When she gets back, I think I will make her watch "Barcelona" by Whit Stillman, because I have it on DVD and it is fascinating. I mean, not as fascinating as any film by Guy Madden, but then again, few things are. Stillman makes great dialogue movies, and I do love great dialogue. Madden is on the other side of the spectrum, where films are impressionistic in flavor and dialogue is infrequent, yet not missed.
Any of you who are interested in watching arty films with me drop me a line. I hate to watch those kinds of movies by myself. I'm not saying that I'm lonely, just that this is my last summer in my twenties and I'd like it to not suck. Although, why would I want to end the streak so close to the end? My thirties will be particularly rewarding, I believe. I think that my recently-acquired maturity and my newfound attitude in regards to brain vs. heart will payoff like a Superball lottery -- mostly, it will not be legal in many states, most of the winnings will be taxed, and what I do get to keep will be shared with a bunch of people missing most of their teeth. Something like that.
You all are wondering when my book will be done. I have no clue. I've written two paragraphs for it in the last three months, and it is going into Chapter One. Maybe I need a stenographer to type my incessant meanderings, as I seem to bring up a lot of the stories that will make up the core of my book. Oh wait, they just made a movie about that. Luke Wilson plays me. Kate Hudson plays every female archetype you've ever fantasized about, ever. I want to see it really badly, even though everyone says it's probably stupid, and Newsday panned it. Hey, who wants to go see a cheesy romantic comedy with me and watch as I drool over Kate Hudson until I realize she is married to a complete skeeveball and how gross that is, but then remember that it doesn't matter, because I watch "Charmed" just to see Rose McGowan, who used to be married to another skeeveball. Hey, I too cause religious controversy by wearing my "Jesus Christ. Period." shirt and by having a "Buddy Christ" on my dashboard, so where is my sexy, flame-haired vixen, huh? I demand my comeuppance. Naughty J-Ros need love, too. Okay, now I'm just being ridiculous, cousin Larry Appleton. Yeah, so this is why I haven't written much in my book lately. I hope you at least get some pleasure out of this crap, while it delays my book's publication and eventual worst-seller status.
Speaking of my book, I was discussing with my friend Shaggy (otherwise known to the world as Matthew A. "Two Sheds" Martin, formerly of Trumansburg, NY) how I had let my friend Will see a film he and Justin Goltermann had made in college. The artist formerly known as Evil Shaggy then mused about how he would like to make another film one day, but doubted Justin would be interested in making another film with him. I said that I, too, would be interested in a film project in the not-too-distant future, but if I were to make a film it would be based on my book, which as we all know, is nowhere near done. I then toyed with the idea of making a film based on the uncompleted book, while the book is still unfinished, because it's so crazy an idea it just might work. Mr. Two Sheds boldly proclaimed that it "just might work" since the book is based on my life and for the film all one would have to do is roll the camera and "Voila!" He may have used a different expression in the same vein, though I know for sure it was not "Eureka!" It certainly wasn't "Land ahoy, matey!" Nor was it "Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage!" But he was indeed keen on the idea, unlike the old people on the bus who kicked off the two brothers who ate a briefcase full of worms after singing the song about eating worms, to which they were all singing heartily themselves. Will, too, seemed to think that this film based on an unfinished book idea could hold water, much like a super-absorbent maxi pad they show on those television ads. Speaking of, why do they always use water that looks like it came from a toilet with a fresh supply of 2000 flushes? Are you women actually aliens, and bleed blue blood just like big black bugs, to paraphrase a Mr. T Experience album title? Okay, I totally have no idea what the hell my fingers are rambling on about now. I think I must sleep, perchance to dream, if but for a short while. Wake me when it's over. When what's over, you ask? I don't know, you tell me. As long as it's BEFORE you go-go. Because if you leave me hanging on like a yo-yo, I may just have to get all Bruce Banner on yo' ass.
Mork calling Orson, come in Orson...nanu nanu.
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I'm still not sure when I start my new shift at work. I heard the 24th, but Sean told me he sent an email to the department head about it, so he wouldn't tell me when. All I know is that on the 31st, I am going to be at Saints 'n' Sinnners (sic) from 9pm until 1am or thereabouts, to support my homewaffles. Dean (my soon-to-be-supervisor) will just have to deal.
I just realized I am posting this to my own blog. I was going to post this on Kipes' blog originally. Oh well. I am an idiot. This fact is confirmed by my not having put the air conditioner in my room yet because I thought I would move next door before it got hot. So I have slept in my parents' room, my brother's room and the livingroom the past few mornings, with another round of the livingroom couch to follow shortly, methinks. Also, I will probably have to wait a couple weeks to get my house finished, because Larissa, my home decorating center of the universe, with her loving and tender painterly strokes against my walls, will be in Barcelona for ten days starting Wednesday. When she gets back, I think I will make her watch "Barcelona" by Whit Stillman, because I have it on DVD and it is fascinating. I mean, not as fascinating as any film by Guy Madden, but then again, few things are. Stillman makes great dialogue movies, and I do love great dialogue. Madden is on the other side of the spectrum, where films are impressionistic in flavor and dialogue is infrequent, yet not missed.
Any of you who are interested in watching arty films with me drop me a line. I hate to watch those kinds of movies by myself. I'm not saying that I'm lonely, just that this is my last summer in my twenties and I'd like it to not suck. Although, why would I want to end the streak so close to the end? My thirties will be particularly rewarding, I believe. I think that my recently-acquired maturity and my newfound attitude in regards to brain vs. heart will payoff like a Superball lottery -- mostly, it will not be legal in many states, most of the winnings will be taxed, and what I do get to keep will be shared with a bunch of people missing most of their teeth. Something like that.
You all are wondering when my book will be done. I have no clue. I've written two paragraphs for it in the last three months, and it is going into Chapter One. Maybe I need a stenographer to type my incessant meanderings, as I seem to bring up a lot of the stories that will make up the core of my book. Oh wait, they just made a movie about that. Luke Wilson plays me. Kate Hudson plays every female archetype you've ever fantasized about, ever. I want to see it really badly, even though everyone says it's probably stupid, and Newsday panned it. Hey, who wants to go see a cheesy romantic comedy with me and watch as I drool over Kate Hudson until I realize she is married to a complete skeeveball and how gross that is, but then remember that it doesn't matter, because I watch "Charmed" just to see Rose McGowan, who used to be married to another skeeveball. Hey, I too cause religious controversy by wearing my "Jesus Christ. Period." shirt and by having a "Buddy Christ" on my dashboard, so where is my sexy, flame-haired vixen, huh? I demand my comeuppance. Naughty J-Ros need love, too. Okay, now I'm just being ridiculous, cousin Larry Appleton. Yeah, so this is why I haven't written much in my book lately. I hope you at least get some pleasure out of this crap, while it delays my book's publication and eventual worst-seller status.
Speaking of my book, I was discussing with my friend Shaggy (otherwise known to the world as Matthew A. "Two Sheds" Martin, formerly of Trumansburg, NY) how I had let my friend Will see a film he and Justin Goltermann had made in college. The artist formerly known as Evil Shaggy then mused about how he would like to make another film one day, but doubted Justin would be interested in making another film with him. I said that I, too, would be interested in a film project in the not-too-distant future, but if I were to make a film it would be based on my book, which as we all know, is nowhere near done. I then toyed with the idea of making a film based on the uncompleted book, while the book is still unfinished, because it's so crazy an idea it just might work. Mr. Two Sheds boldly proclaimed that it "just might work" since the book is based on my life and for the film all one would have to do is roll the camera and "Voila!" He may have used a different expression in the same vein, though I know for sure it was not "Eureka!" It certainly wasn't "Land ahoy, matey!" Nor was it "Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage!" But he was indeed keen on the idea, unlike the old people on the bus who kicked off the two brothers who ate a briefcase full of worms after singing the song about eating worms, to which they were all singing heartily themselves. Will, too, seemed to think that this film based on an unfinished book idea could hold water, much like a super-absorbent maxi pad they show on those television ads. Speaking of, why do they always use water that looks like it came from a toilet with a fresh supply of 2000 flushes? Are you women actually aliens, and bleed blue blood just like big black bugs, to paraphrase a Mr. T Experience album title? Okay, I totally have no idea what the hell my fingers are rambling on about now. I think I must sleep, perchance to dream, if but for a short while. Wake me when it's over. When what's over, you ask? I don't know, you tell me. As long as it's BEFORE you go-go. Because if you leave me hanging on like a yo-yo, I may just have to get all Bruce Banner on yo' ass.
Mork calling Orson, come in Orson...nanu nanu.
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