Wednesday, November 19, 2003

Sergei just informed me that it had been several days since the previous pathetic update, so I'm gonna throw y'all a bone. Let me show you my mind at the moment. Warning: 'tis a silly, scary place. It's nearly 3am and I just ate 2 of those Thomas's blueberry waffle things while downing some Mike's hard lemonade that I found last week in my kitchen cupboard and promptly rejoiced and put in the fridge. I am listening to the Guided By Voices box set Hardcore UFOs. I apologize to Bob Pollard now that I have no Rolling Rocks to drink while listening to his music. I'm thinking now, as I am finishing off this bottle of MHL that I should grab another one from my fridge next door, but it is nearly 3am, so maybe I shouldn't, but then again, if I want to catch a matinee of "Elf" tomorrow (or today), I need to be able to wake up at a decent hour. Of course, drinking would probably help me sleep. I guess one is good enough for now.

I don't know about any of you other single folk out there, but I'm starting to get depressed by Friendster,Myspace, etc. because a lot of the cooler-looking people (going by profiles and favorites, obviously, not really with a clue of interactive personality) live far away or are in relationships or both (and I should point out that this is mostly regarding the 24+ population, as pretty much anyone in college should be listening to good music, as that's when you are exposed to the best stuff). But lately, I see these profiles, and I must admit that I haven't sent a whole lot of messages to anyone lately because early on I sent out a bunch and rarely got replies. I think it's because I wrote too much. Being brief is not my forté, I suppose. But scaring off women in the tri-state Metro area apparently is. I know I am just oh so intimidating. Ha ha. But seriously, the only other person on Myspace with "Careful" by Guy Madden as a favorite movie lives in NYC and is in a relationship.

Before anyone starts worrying about my frame of mind, let me just reassure you: I've given up the search, for the sake of my sanity, and am working on just being more outgoing in public and less the socially retarded kid in high school who would stand against the wall in the gym at the school dance while waiting for the one good song to be played so I could make a fool of myself, displaying dance moves that Elaine Bennis only wished she could have come up with. I've gotten better at this, i think. Well, maybe not the dancing part, although the "Peanuts" moves I've picked up over the last couple years definitely help.

I've actually been rather upbeat lately, according to various sources, so I guess that's a good thing. I think it might have something to do with a steady diet of bacon and other pork products. I had a wonderful shrimp burrito at the Green Cactus tonight with Shannon. I think if I kept kosher, I would be very unhappy and unfulfilled. Last night found me at the Hi-Lite Diner in Port Jeff with a bunch of crazy USB media kids, eating a turkey BLT on a croissant washed down with about 4 cups of coffee...that was after the two Brooklyner Weisses at the Velvet Lounge. It was definitely a good night. I haven't had an overwhelming number of those lately, so it was a welcome change.

I miss a great many friends of mine who I haven't seen or spoken to a lot in recent months, but the phone works two ways, and the interweb in more ways than that. I just can't keep up with everything in my life, so my only reaction is to do nothing most of the time. It's sad, really. The only thing sadder is when you check out someone's profile on Friendster when you're into them, and it all of a sudden says "In a Relationship" and you're just like "Woah, since when?" And then you remember that a whole 48 hours has passed since you've spoken to said person. Not that this has really happened to me lately. At least not with anybody I seriously was pursuing. Too far away, mostly, for me to deal with. Hell, I've made it out to Nassau County once in the last six months, nevermind taking a trip across the country or even upstate. Bah. I need to find someone close by. Oh, and it has to be someone who isn't really interested in me. If someone likes me, I automatically find a reason to make sure it is impossible for me to reciprocate. It is an interesting phenomenon, and I actually can make charts and graphs detailing this pattern. For my novel, maybe I will.

That reminds me, I haven't completed my poetry and shit book yet. I haven't moved into my house all the way yet. I haven't recorded a song in a year. I haven't played a show since when? I am singing along to Guided By Voices into my empty bottle of MHL and it sounds divine. I will remember this when i record again. I am working on lyrics right now, and had been working on some music until last week, which was the last time I picked up my guitar, I think. I am actually writing new lyrics to describe old heartbreaks. I suppose the art of crafting that into insightful and perhaps non-crappy words is worth something. Sometimes I think that my demeanor on "stage" as a nervous and bumbling moron clouds the seriousness of my intentions. I fear that I may be in the same category as The Frogs, and that nobody will give a shit about the stuff that I took time to carefully sculpt and chisel, but the shit that I just toss off-the-cuff will be wildly popular and everyone will think of me as a joke.

Okay, the NyQuil is starting to work bigtime. I guess I should really get next door and jump in bed before I kinda just hit this keyboard with my face. Wow, this post sucks. Sorry. Well, I'm sorry to all of you except Sergei. You can eat it, Admiral. "Oh, you haven't blogged since November 9th, what's up with that?" Ha ha ha. Oh yeah, btw, I finally updated House of Chicken & Waffles. I'm sure you are all thrilled.

Night night.

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