Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Why Don't You Walk Over A Bridge?

"I am a dork" he thought, as he trudged back across the bridge from whence he slunk, having at least told the hot girl that she was; going home alone even though he was suited up for the first time ever with a lack of reason. "I know that a taller, slimmer, less sweaty man already danced with you, but I had to tell you that you are extremely hot. Now I can leave. Goodnight."

i was on the prowl, ya know? I'm like a shark with no teeth. Of course, this was after that one (straight) guy started dancing with me. I had just gotten back from the bathroom upstairs, when I was approached. "Just keep dancing" he said, as I looked about uncomfortably, humoring him, because, let's face it, I could always use some excitement, plus, I have been through these things before. "How much are your friends paying you?" I asked, knowingly.

"Forty dollars."
"I want a cut." We danced, us two straight men, for a couple of minutes.

"It's because you were alone," he mentioned, as if I needed reminding. I had just come from a different club, where I had been hanging out with some friends of mine until it got superlame. I had come to this here bar for the hour of free PBR and the 50s & 60s dance party. Hence the suiting up. The guy, his friends stiffed him. No money. Real friends would have bet him ten dollars and never welched on it.

I saw him on his cellphone as I left the club. "Nothing? Really? What's the matter," I yelled as I started walking onto the bridge, "did I not look uncomfortable enough??" Not only did I not impress the attractive woman, but I couldn't even make money being the butt of a joke. It was like high school all over again.

Of course, as I was crossing the bridge, my best friend calls me from Portland, Maine, telling me about how she just made out with a really hot girl. Not bad for someone who's been single for like ten minutes. I told her "I bet I'm the best-dressed guy who has ever walked over this bridge at 4am listening to Frog Eyes on his iPod." I'm gonna end this there because a) I don't want to get anyone else in trouble and b) I have some "pleading the 5th" of my own to do.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

This is the best photo of me, ever

Few people know of the Roren that lives under the stairs and steals away pizza in the night.

Originally uploaded by chobacabra
The caption is the best part.

Thank you Rob!