Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Why Don't You Walk Over A Bridge?

"I am a dork" he thought, as he trudged back across the bridge from whence he slunk, having at least told the hot girl that she was; going home alone even though he was suited up for the first time ever with a lack of reason. "I know that a taller, slimmer, less sweaty man already danced with you, but I had to tell you that you are extremely hot. Now I can leave. Goodnight."

i was on the prowl, ya know? I'm like a shark with no teeth. Of course, this was after that one (straight) guy started dancing with me. I had just gotten back from the bathroom upstairs, when I was approached. "Just keep dancing" he said, as I looked about uncomfortably, humoring him, because, let's face it, I could always use some excitement, plus, I have been through these things before. "How much are your friends paying you?" I asked, knowingly.

"Forty dollars."
"I want a cut." We danced, us two straight men, for a couple of minutes.

"It's because you were alone," he mentioned, as if I needed reminding. I had just come from a different club, where I had been hanging out with some friends of mine until it got superlame. I had come to this here bar for the hour of free PBR and the 50s & 60s dance party. Hence the suiting up. The guy, his friends stiffed him. No money. Real friends would have bet him ten dollars and never welched on it.

I saw him on his cellphone as I left the club. "Nothing? Really? What's the matter," I yelled as I started walking onto the bridge, "did I not look uncomfortable enough??" Not only did I not impress the attractive woman, but I couldn't even make money being the butt of a joke. It was like high school all over again.

Of course, as I was crossing the bridge, my best friend calls me from Portland, Maine, telling me about how she just made out with a really hot girl. Not bad for someone who's been single for like ten minutes. I told her "I bet I'm the best-dressed guy who has ever walked over this bridge at 4am listening to Frog Eyes on his iPod." I'm gonna end this there because a) I don't want to get anyone else in trouble and b) I have some "pleading the 5th" of my own to do.

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